Monday, August 25, 2014

Soul growth

I am in such a new phase in my life right now, I hear people talk about mid life crisis, but what about quarter life crisis? I wouldn't say that I am in a crisis per se. I don't feel the need to run out, down a bottle of jager while at a wild house party like in my younger years (sorry mom, I know I was a crazy child!) I just feel that  since I will be turning 26 next week a quarter of my life is officially over. Done, I will never get that time back and I hope I used it wisely. That's If I make it to 100, which lets be honest I don't want to be 100, saggy and pooping on myself. You know you just cringed at the image of that, me too haha! Most people don't even make it to their 90s, we all thinks we have much more time than we actually do. I have been doing so much soul work as I like to call it. Really getting to know me, my body, and soul. I might come off sounding sort of hippyish, thats fine lets be honest I own more crystals than I do pairs of shoes. All this intense inner work has me at times feeling just plain lost. Some days my heart just aches from what I have yet to do and where I imagined Id be. I don't ever say that I regret anything that I have done, for if not those mistakes or triumphs I wouldn't be who I am today and dammit I like who I am! I just imagine myself right now standing on the edge, being still a little too scared to jump out of my comfort zone and into the unknown of who/where I will end up. 
Recently, I have been been practicing meditation, self healing, and have started to read tarot cards. I found that the universe stuck just the right people in my life to make me feel good. I have those whom have always been there, and those whom have come into my life like little shimmers of light in the dark sky. I really appreciate them all, they know who they are :).  I like where these new practices are taking me, I feel a different type of happy I can't explain it, I just feel calm. Now if you know me in person, you know I am usually a crazy ball of spazing energy it has always been that way. I am figuring out the right combination between extreme and calm, its still a work in progress. I have come to realize that you attract the type of people and energies into your life that you put out. If you are constantly negative and grumpy, I'm sure you notice that you have begun to attract like minded people around you. I don't want that, I refuse to be surrounded by negativity I demand love and happiness.

Think only what you want to exist is the bottom line. If you put out there that you want to be happy, be successful, be loved, whatever it might be, over time you will notice that these types of things have been willed into your existence. I need to work on figuring out what it is that I want to ultimately end up with. I know I want to travel the world and soak in as much as I can everywhere that I go, but like with everything in life there must be compromise. I must work, I must make money to afford doing this. Its just the wanderlust that is aching at my soul right now. I am constantly changing, like all of you are and I hope that over time I will begin to grab hold of what my life is meant to be.

                                                 Until then, I just am and that is good enough for me.

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